It's All Rape in the End

Part I

Rape isn’t pretty. There are all kinds of different types of rape: date rape, brutal rape, rape that murders, tortured rape, mind rape, snuff rape…but it’s all rape in the end.

Webster defines rape as: to seize and take away by force; an act or instance of robbing or despoiling or carrying away a person by force; an outrageous violation.
Violence: exertion of physical force so as to injure or abuse
Rob: to remove valuables without right from a place
Despoiling: to strip of belongings possessions, or value

I remember the first time I told a boy “no.” They complied after I said it a few times and finally with insistence. Then I had those that wouldn’t. I guess they thought I was speaking a foreign language, cuz they sure didn’t respond to what I was saying.

My mother never prepared me for those types of situations with boys. She barely explained about the ‘birds and bees’ to me. All I knew is I wanted to be a virgin when I graduated from high school.

I didn’t have a posse of friends; I preferred a few, close, intimate friends. And the ones I had in high school all had boyfriends and they were wrapped up in them.
I mean boyfriends took up all your time. Well, I liked working, having my own car, saving money and going to parties. I wanted to be different and I wanted to be a virgin. And I’m not talking about being a technical virgin like the kids do today, but a real one.

I was talking to a young woman in church about being a virgin, how important it is to be one until you get married and how if your not, what it does to your mind and soul. My husband was also standing by us and he interjected with, “If a guy doesn’t respond to ‘no’ kick him where it hurts and run.” Little did we know that within weeks she did just that in her high school corridor. Word got around not to mess with her and she got instant r-e-s-p-e-c-t. Man, if mamma only told me about that little move, there would have been a lot of guys hurting for sure.

My first ‘no’ that was over looked and I couldn’t get away from the guy. It was very numbing for me as I laid there while he went through his animalistic ritual that I was a part of. I pushed back the whole incident from my brain, blamed myself, and never wanted to get in that situation again. It left a scar on my soul, a part of me gone and the beginning of a crippled esteem.

One time I was working two jobs and going to college. Came home from work one night, the lights were off in the apartment and my roommate and her boyfriend were assumed asleep, as I groped my way to my bedroom and to crash and sleep. Little did I know that I can fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. My husband can confirm this. Any ways, I woke up dazed and groggy, while this man is on top of me. He had my nightgown all the way up and was entering me… It was my roommate’s boyfriend. I didn’t know what to do. Should I scream or just let him do his thing and hurry up and get out of my room before my roommate wakes up? He was about half way there when I decided how ashamed I was and I just wanted him to complete his mission and get off me and go away. I thought about my roommate/girlfriend. Maybe she’s asleep, cuz she’s certainly is not standing in the doorway to my room demanding what is going on. I thought I couldn’t tell her what he did, she really cared a lot for this guy. OMG what do I do? Why did he pick me? What did I do to deserve this? I just want this to go away.
Well the next day or so, I came home from job #1 and she was sitting in the living room with her boyfriend. The look on her face told me everything. She was so hurt. I couldn’t comfort her; after all I was the disloyal friend, the traitor. She never believed me and of course our friendship was never the same. How could I blame her? I would have done the same thing.

I wish I would of screamed.

Stay tuned for Part II...